On Boobs: Tinder – The Drinking Game

When I first downloaded Tinder, I didn’t intend to find my boyfriend of two years; I just wanted an amusing way to get really drunk, really fast. It worked. These rules were drafted primarily regarding the straight males on the app, but during my extensive studies (translation: drunken ramblings with fellow single people playing this game) I've learned that with a little tweaking they pretty much apply across the board. So, here are the rules:

• Drink if you can’t tell which person in the main photo is the right one. Finish your drink if none of the other pictures clear that question up.
• Drink every time you see someone with a drugged-up tiger. Seriously, there are tons of them and I don't understand. Is going to Thailand and manhandling a glorious yet wacked-out predator now a thing?
• Drink when the main picture is the person standing on top of a mountain. Huzzah you’re outdoorsy, or at least you were that one time on a sunny day two Septembers ago.
• Drink if the person has a drink in their hand for the main picture. Finish your drink if they've got a drink in their hand for every picture.
• Drink when it’s clear someone has been cropped out. 
• Drink every time the person is wearing a hat. Finish your drink if the person is hatted in every picture. Pro-tip for guys: We know why you do this.
• Drink if they don't post a single full-body shot.
• Drink if something in the picture clearly shows that this photo is out of date, e.g. an Avatar poster in the background or people planking.
• Don’t drink if the main picture is a full shot of just the one person doing something they clearly enjoy (that isn't drinking) and they don't seem concerned about their flaws. Message them about a common interest and then go on the best date of your adult life. Probably don’t tell them why you had a Tinder to begin with.

People are often smarter than we give them credit for, so if you're trying hard to hide something or project a particular image we'll know and it's kinda funny. If you're on Tinder, don't do any of these things and prepare to get giggly wasted making fun of everyone who does.